Monday, June 8, 2009


yeah it does.. been busy lately, and serious with everything that's happening around me.. like i've said in my first ever post, i'm too soft-hearted for the extremity of my cunning-ness, and it's doing it's thing now.. i can't pretend i don't know anything about what's happening.. it's just.. tiring.. ever since i got my head straight to what i want to be in the future and not to what i want to be now, i restrained myself for doing things that will ruin that future.. i want everything and everyone around me be united, be it my comrades or my enemies.. i'm trying not to take sides,. i'm trying to defend each parties with each other.. and i;m trying so bad that i don't get myself a life that's fit for a normal and young guy like me.. there are times that i want to run from people's conversation so i would not overhear what they say so i could not involuntary give a damn about it and piss myself.. yeah i know that no family is perfect, and ours is far from being one,. i don't aim for us to be perfect.. i just want each of us to understand each other.. and i really don't understand why would it be hard to see how much i care for someone..

me? yeah i'm just a student.. some call me a kid.. some a brat.. still unexperience with many things.. but i try to act the other way.. i did my best to get the hearts of people love.. of my family.. AND MY WELL-EARNED RESPECT FROM THEM IS NOT LIKE A PENNY THAT YOU'LL STEP ON THE STREET.. i was grounded for going home late, and they didn't allow me to use the car the next days.. but since it's my fault, i paid the consequences.. my sins are my shame.. they are my shortcomings.. they are my mistakes.. AND A MISTAKE IS NOT WORTH THE PRICE IF YOU DIDN'T LEARN ANYTHING FROM IT.. they saw how i learned from it, and gained their trust again.. simple right? but if your heart is weak and is covered with desires and pride rather than your needs and responsibilities, it would hurt like hell.. AND IF THE TREND GOES ON, YOU ARE HASTILY BUILDING A WALL BETWEEN YOU AND EVERYONE ELSE.. AND AS THE WALL GOES HIGHER, IT BECOMES HARDER TO LOOK AND SEE WHAT IS ON THE OTHER SIDE.. WORST, IT BECOMES IMPOSSIBLE TO CROSS..

just like a wound, it can heal, but their still be and always be a scar that would remind you how much it hurt.. i tried to cover those scars with bandages of faith and trust for anyone who wounds me, but these bandages are not always permanent, and a little mischief from that someone ruins that trust and faith you have for him/her easily,. when you know you've done something that broke someone's heart, then be careful with your future actions, cause you've already made that heart brittle.. that makes it prone to further damage, whether be it small or large..

i'm frustrated, big time.. i'm the guy, and normally guys are the ones who give headaches to his family.. i feel for her, and it's hurts a lot how she forgets this one guy who is stupid enough to forgive her and trust her and give a hunderd percent of his faith to her again and again regardless of what happened.. even now, i don't feel mad at anyone.. i feel sorry for myself.. in a little while i'll forget what has happened and how i've hurt and look at her like a pure white sheet of paper with nothing but truth in it.. this irony i am going through drives me nuts, but fortunately, it gives me a way to grow maturely and pray to God and be closer to Him.. someday we will get past this i know..

anyway, i guess i've said enough.. this emo-at-the-moment kid is done blogging now..



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