Saturday, August 22, 2009


It's been a while now since my last post. I've tried to keep myself drowned in computer games and other stuffs so I could rid my brain from thinking too much. But why did I focused on computer games instead of blogging? Well, not much of a big thing. I just knew it that the moment I'd start blogging, it would be about me, big time.

I always thought of myself as someone matured enough to face rejection, loneliness, and other stuffs that usually makes people go "emo". And by emo, i didn't mean guys on skinny jeans and eyeliners. I meant the worse ones. The ones who think he/she is the most ill-fated creature in the universe. I always hated them. But after some twist of events, I think I understand how they feel, cause I myself felt the same thing. Feeling alone and stuff like that, being rejected, being taken for granted. Felt all of it. It doesn't change my view, still. I still hate them. Hate myself for being one. Yeah whatever. Put a sock on it.

I really don't want to be particular with why or who made me finally perceive that I am getting emotional. But sometimes, my mouth speaks beyond my ability to control it, and it relieves me a little. I hope and pray that she won't be able to read this, cause the least I can do for her now is shut up and free her from guilt.

Yah you've read right. Never told her I was hurting. Never told her that whenever I'm with her, my heart aches. Never told her that when she needs me, I feel taken for granted. Never told her that I was hoping we could be. Can't be helped I guess. It is my fault anyway. I was too idealistic and thought that we could be friends for now and make-out in the future when both of us are ready. When I was about to officially tell her how I feel, it was too late. I didn't get the chance, cause her "significant other" is with her that night. The look on my eyes were like, 'I want to tell you so bad I love you, but I can't, cause obviously something is happening between the two of you'. Only one of her friends noticed how gloomy i look and guessed correctly why.

If I want to move on, I need to disallow myself from seeing her. And it's not as easy as it looks. Whenever she asks me a favor, I can't decline. I want to, but I can't. I just can't. It won't matter if I have exams or reports the next day, I have to get to her and help her when she needs something or wanna go out somewhere.

At the climax of my emo-ing, I was able to write something, some sort of a song i guess?

You Caught My Heart

You weren't my first love
You weren't my first kiss
You found me with a heart broken
A heart who thought, he couldn't love again.

I didn't love you at first sight
I didn't care how much I've hurt you
But somehow things are change
You caught me off guard, and you made me feel that I could love again,

Is it me..
Or is it that every time I see you
You seem to glow brighter than before
Is it me..
Or is everything in you

Like a mouse on a trap
I risked my heart for a tiny chunk of happiness
And when I thought I got the price
It's when i learned..

I don't know how you do it
Every time I see you
I feel the love coming back
It was like..

You caught my heart...

It's not much, and it won't mean anything to anyone else cause I wrote this only for one person. If you could make it into a song then good. You'll take credit.

I started posting stuffs like this, so I guess while I'm still at it, my readers(if they are any), would have to bear seeing my face on my post and figure out what's my problem.

God bless..


what do you mean "if there are any?" i, for one, is one (the one that matters, btw... just kidding) well, my good padawan, never underestimate the power of your words and the reach of your blogposts. someone somewhere somehow sometimes gets something from your writings that he can relate to or finds comfort, or just a reassurance that being hurt or forsaken or broken-hearted or even overjoyed is not a sole franchise of anyone but a shared experience. i have had readers writing to me sharing me how much they get from my posts (which i wish they would post in the comments; i do understand the feeling of being "too exposed" that i told you about so it's cool as long as they get something out of it). so keep it up, my friend. and continue to keep it real. that's what having your own voice is about. it's not blogging like someone else. it's about blogging like you. so okay lang kahit puro pictures mo ang nakabalandra dito. :) sorry about your predicament but i really wish you well and all the happiness and love you deserve. love will find you and not the other way around. being true is the key. take care now.

Aaaawww.... i bet this is all about LOVE??? :)) no worries..

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