
I always thought of myself as someone matured enough to face rejection, loneliness, and other stuffs that usually makes people go "emo". And by emo, i didn't mean guys on skinny jeans and eyeliners. I meant the worse ones. The ones who think he/she is the most ill-fated creature in the universe. I always hated them. But after some twist of events, I think I understand how they feel, cause I myself felt the same thing. Feeling alone and stuff like that, being rejected, being taken for granted. Felt all of it. It doesn't change my view, still. I still hate them. Hate myself for being one. Yeah whatever. Put a sock on it.

I really don't want to be particular with why or who made me finally perceive that I am getting emotional. But sometimes, my mouth speaks beyond my ability to control it, and it relieves me a little. I hope and pray that she won't be able to read this, cause the least I can do for her now is shut up and free her from guilt.
Yah you've read right. Never told her I was hurting. Never told her that whenever I'm with her, my heart aches. Never told her that when she needs me, I feel taken for granted. Never told her that I was hoping we could be. Can't be helped I guess. It is my fault anyway. I was too idealistic and thought that we could be friends for now and make-out in the future when both of us are ready. When I was about to officially tell her how I feel, it was too late. I didn't get the chance, cause her "significant other" is with her that night. The look on my eyes were like, 'I want to tell you so bad I love you, but I can't, cause obviously something is happening between the two of you'. Only one of her friends noticed how gloomy i look and guessed correctly why.
If I want to move on, I need to disallow myself from seeing her. And it's not as easy as it looks. Whenever she asks me a favor, I can't decline. I want to, but I can't. I just can't. It won't matter if I have exams or reports the next day, I have to get to her and help her when she needs something or wanna go out somewhere.
At the climax of my emo-ing, I was able to write something, some sort of a song i guess?
You weren't my first love
You weren't my first kiss
You found me with a heart broken
A heart who thought, he couldn't love again.
I didn't love you at first sight
I didn't care how much I've hurt you
But somehow things are change
You caught me off guard, and you made me feel that I could love again,
Is it me..
Or is it that every time I see you
You seem to glow brighter than before
Is it me..
Or is everything in you
Beautiful?
Like a mouse on a trap
I risked my heart for a tiny chunk of happiness
And when I thought I got the price
It's when i learned..
I don't know how you do it
Every time I see you
I feel the love coming back
It was like..
You caught my heart...

It's not much, and it won't mean anything to anyone else cause I wrote this only for one person. If you could make it into a song then good. You'll take credit.
I started posting stuffs like this, so I guess while I'm still at it, my readers(if they are any), would have to bear seeing my face on my post and figure out what's my problem.
God bless..